i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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