their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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