My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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