I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize