with your own penis?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
