I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize