At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
