I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
