he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
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There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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