i was born a porn star she said
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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