We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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