Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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