i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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