i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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