atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm passing your future prison.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
