Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize