I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i already hear my dad disowning me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I still have a little drunk in my system
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
