I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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