you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
