Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
