Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
