dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize