Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
