I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just gargled with NyQuil
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
