I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The power of my boobs compel you
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