i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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