Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
