Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
