I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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