it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just puked most of my soul out..
And then he peed in my hair
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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