but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize