I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
