I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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