well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
