I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
