I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
