is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
