I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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