i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
