Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
