we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I intend to get homeless drunk
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
