apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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