My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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