3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
