No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
