Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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