I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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