i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
