No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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