I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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