I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
