Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
