You just made me feel so damn special
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
