Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
