Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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