My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
