Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
