soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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