What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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