If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
