I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
