You just made me feel so damn special
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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