I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
