Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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