I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
