my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
