VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
