I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
