Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
