Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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