U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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