Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize