Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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