Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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