Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
