i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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