My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize