Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
