dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
