I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
17 year olds will be the death of me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
