Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
