You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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