Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Actions speak louder than pants.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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