Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
